Leaving New Earth Behind
by Ambraya
Summary: Kathryn and Chakotay try to rebuild their relationship after New Earth


Leaving New Earth Behind

As they packed their meager belongings, they kept glancing at each other. Neither of them wanted to return to the ship, but Voyager had come back for them. They both wanted to say, "No thanks! Go away!" But, neither of them could do that.

After everything was packed, they took a final walk to 'their rock'. It was a huge flat rock that was right beside the river. They often sat on it in the evenings looking at the millions of stars in the sky.

A few times, they even made love on it. They'd bring out an extra thick comforter and put it down. It worked quite well. Kathryn was a wonderful, inventive lover, certainly the best lover Chakotay had ever had!

Sitting on the rock for the last time, they talked. It was a conversation neither of them wanted, but they had to settle things before they got back on board Voyager.

"I think we should be able to continue our relationship when we get back on Voyager, Kathryn."

"No, Chakotay. It just wouldn't work. If we weren't the command team, we could. But, we can't!"

"I could resign."

"Please don't. I need you there beside me."

"Yes, but you want me beside you only on the bridge. I want to be beside you all the time. I just can't see why not."

They sat quietly wrapped in each others arms.

Finally, she looked at him, "I have an idea. Hear me out before you say anything."

"Go ahead, I'm listening."

"Tomorrow is the 25th. I can write a New Earth program for the holodeck. Each month, we can meet there on the 25th and we can have this."

He looked at her sadly. "Do you think it would satisfy us?"

"It has too until we can get home. Please, Chakotay. Once a month is better than not at all! Please!" She was kissing the side of his neck and continued downward. He was so aroused that he simply couldn't turn her down.

"Ok, I'll agree to it."

"We can both take the day off each 25th. Meet there around 0800 and stay till midnight." She took hold of his chin and gently pulled his head up so he could look in her eyes. "We need it. But, if you ever decide that it's not worth the effort, I won't insist. We'll simply delete the program."

"Ok, now why don't we lay here and see if anything comes up again? I think it might!" He began running his hands over her body. Soon, something did come up!

The next day, they were beamed aboard Voyager. They didn't look too happy, whereas the crew expected them to be thrilled about being back.

"I think the Captain and Chakotay was having sex on the planet. I don't think they really wanted to come back," Belanna said while her, Tom, Harry and Mike watched them sitting across from each other in the mess hall barely talking to each other.

"They barely speak to one another anymore." Tom added. "If they did have a relationship there, I hope they know the crew would be pleased if they continued it. Everyone on board cares a lot about the both of them, and they want the command team to be happy."

Kathryn wrote the program for New Earth to be as exact as she remembered it. When they met on the 25th, she could make any changes that he might want.

The first month, they arrived about the same time. He thought the program was perfect. Things went well. By midnight, they were completely exhausted.

Each 25th for the next two and a half years, they were there. He had thanked the spirits that during that time, Voyager had never been attacked on that day.

One day, Tom, Belanna and Harry decided to go to the holodeck. There had been some problems with the holodecks a few days before. Reaching the holodecks, they all looked empty.

Paris put in a program code and the doors opened. Walking in, they realized it wasn't the mountain scene that had expected. They had never seen this one.

"Let's look around anyway. This looks really neat." Belanna said as she took off walking further into the program.

They could hear water flowing somewhere ahead of them. And, they heard something else they didn't quite recognize. Suddenly, they went around a bend in the path.

Belanna, who was a little ahead of the guys, stopped suddenly. They nearly fell over her. Looking up, they saw, the command team laying on a huge flat rock. They were nude and having sex. The three were in shock!

They started to back away when Tom fell into some bushes making a loud sound. Kathryn and Chakotay turned toward the unexpected sound, and saw the three of them.

Kathryn pushed Chakotay off her and stood up completely nude. Suddenly realizing it, she grabbed a towel. Wrapping it around her, she was screaming at them, "Get out of here, now! How dare you come in here!"

They could tell she was furious. They turned around and hurried out of the holodeck. The three were embarrassed. Standing outside the holodeck, Tom said, "Well, now we know for certain! Should have kept the betting pools up!"

They headed to the mess hall. As they were headed there, Tom said, "The crew is going to love this!"

Belanna stopped and grabbed him by the shoulder, "You will not tell anyone about this. Do you hear me, Tom? If you do, you'll be sleeping by yourself for a long, long time!"

"Okay, I won't tell. I promise."

"I won't tell either , Belanna," Harry said softly. He couldn't get out of his mind just how beautiful the Captain looked before she managed to get the towel around her.

Kathryn and Chakotay got their clothes back on. "We can't do this anymore, Chakotay. I'm sorry. I'm sure this will be all over the ship in the next couple of hours. I'm so embarrassed."

Chakotay was furious, He grabbed her by the arm, "Tell me, Kathryn, are you embarrassed at being caught nude or are you embarrassed at being caught with me, your token Maquis?"

"Don't be silly." By then they had walked to the holodeck doors. She turned and deleted the program. Chakotay walked away. She stood looking after him, knowing that even friendship was over between them. Chakotay hadn't said it, but she knew anyway.

She returned to her quarters. He walked the decks. He was deciding what to do. _In less than a week, the duty shift changes. I can put myself on Gamma shift. I can let the crew know they can always make an appointment with me if they wish to talk. I'll still be available to them anytime of day or night. This way I'll only have to see her in the mornings when I hand the bridge over to her. And, if Tuvok gets there before her, I can hand it over to him. I won't even have to see her. At least now, I know how she really feels about me!_

The next few days, they managed to stay away from each other. She spent most of the time in her ready room. He spent most of the time walking the decks, talking to various crewmen. It was part of his job, so she couldn't say anything. He was still miserable without her.

Kathryn had seen the duty roster. She was almost glad that he was changing shifts. But a part of her wanted him next to her all the time. She was miserable without him.

Gamma shift was boring. Chakotay sat on the bridge reading. At least it was something to do. Thankfully, five out of seven days, it was Tuvok that he turned the bridge over to. It didn't bother him.

Chakotay wasn't expected to come to the briefings. Tuvok would let him know if anything important was going on.

Six months later Neelix was having a party on the holodeck. It was going to be a winter party. Tom had written a holoprogram with snow and a huge mansion which had a ball room and several roaring fireplaces. Everyone was excited about the party.

A few nights before the party, Chakotay entered the mess hall. There was only one person in it. There was very few people on Gamma shift that went into the mess hall, so he was actually a little surprised to see anyone there at all. It was one of the Maquis, Danielle Gordon. They all called her Danni . She was very pretty as well as being very shy.

He got a cup of tea and walked over to the table where she sat, "Mind if I join you?"

"Oh, of course, Commander. Have a seat."

"How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. I'm writing a romance novel in my spare time."

"Romance?"

"You know I have a husband back home. I just hope he's waiting for me. As I write, I think about him" She grinned.

Looking up at one of the banners advertising the dance, Chakotay had an idea. "Are you going to that winter dance, Danni?"

"No, I don't think so."

"If I remember correctly, on the Liberty, you liked to dance."

"I use to dance with Will." Chakotay knew who she was talking about. Will Stroud had been in his cell, but had died when the distortion wave hit the Liberty.

"Would you like to go to the dance with me, Danni? I'd be honored."

She looked into his eyes and saw how sincere he looked, "I'd like that, Commander."

"You use to call me Chakotay on the Liberty. I'd like it if you called me that when it's just the two of us in here. Tell you what, I'll pick you up at 1900 hours the night of the dance. It'll make both of us feel good. And, don't worry, I promise not to hit on you!"

He hoped that somewhere out there Danni's husband would wait for her. He was determined there would be no romance between them, just friendship. He made that quite clear to her. She understood as that was all she had wanted on the ship. It had been all she had wanted with Will. And, Will had never tried to take advantage of her.

The night of the dance, Kathryn attended with Tuvok. They stood in a group with the rest of the senior staff except for Chakotay.

"I wonder if Chakotay will be here." Paris said innocently.

"I doubt it. He never goes to anything anymore." Belanna said sadly. She said it to make the Captain feel bad. He had always gone to every thing, but always with the Captain. Kathryn pretended she hadn't heard, but she had. She missed him so much. The incident on the hollodeck had happened six months ago. _Six months of loneliness! With how many more months, no, I mean years to go?_

Suddenly, Paris looked up shocked as the mansion's main doors opened. "Look at that, will you?"

All eyes turned to the couple that had just entered. Chakotay, looking extremely handsome in a tux, stood there. On his arm was Danni Gordon. She looked beautiful.

Her long black hair was pulled back in an elegant hairdo. There were tendrils of hair abound her face. She had on a long dress that showed off her curves. It was the same vivid blue that matched her eyes. The dress was strapless, held up by ample breasts. More than one man, there tonight, looked at her with lust.

Chakotay merely nodded to the senior staff and moved the other way with Danni. They joined Mike Ayala and Susan Nicolotti who was sitting with Ken Dalby and Lorna Summers.

Kathryn's eyes had followed them across the room. _It looks like he's found his happiness. I wish I could walk over there and pull him out of that chair and kiss him senseless. _

Belanna watched Kathryn as Kathryn watched Chakotay. After what had happened on the holodeck with the New Earth program, Belanna had asked Chakotay about it. He broke down, after making her promise that she would tell no one. He had told her that the last two months on New Earth, he and Kathryn had a very healthy sexual relationship. It had stopped when they returned to the ship. After awhile, she made the program of New Earth, and they would spend one day a month there having fun as well as having sex. But, with the arrival of her and her friends, it had all stopped. Belanna felt like kicking Kathryn and her damn high principles. She knew Chakotay and Kathryn still loved each other. But, both was too stubborn to admit it. So they were hurting each other instead.

Chakotay and Danni were dancing. Danni saw Kathryn watching,, so she moved closer to him, putting her head on his shoulder. Danni saw the look of sadness on Kathryn's face. She was hoping that Kathryn would come over to them and claim her man. Danni admired Kathryn and thought that Kathryn was an excellent leader.

Half way through the evening a fight broke out. It was three of the Maquis and three of the Fleeters. There had been various skirmishes for the past several months. Tension was high. The crew had seen the command team pulling apart, and they were taking sides - Maquis vs Starfleet - much the same way as they had when their journey had first begun.

Chakotay and Tuvok stepped in and stopped the fight. Security took all six men down to the brig to cool off.

Paris made the mistake of saying something about all the skirmishes that had happened the last few months to Kathryn. Tuvok and Chakotay had kept that info from her. She was furious when she heard about it.

The next day, she got to the bridge early. She called both Tuvok and Chakotay into her ready room. As they stood before her, she looked from one to another. Both stood at attention with their eyes straight foreward.

"Gentlemen, you both have a lot of explaining to do. It has come to my attention that there have been quite a few skirmishes between crew members the last few months. However, nothing that I have received from either of you has that information on it. I want to know why."

Both men continued to stand there. "Commander Chakotay, why?"

Chakotay was looking at a spot just over her left shoulder as he spoke, "In the past you have given us the leeway to deal with things like that as we see fit. We feel that it's our responsibility to take care of those problems. You, yourself, has indicated that there is no need to bother you with things like that."

'Oh, really?" Turning to Tuvok, "Tuvok, do you have anything to add to that?"

"No, Captain. It is as the Commander says."

"Tuvok, I want you to have a security officer bring the offenders here, one by one. I wish to talk with them. You're dismissed, Tuvok."

Chakotay remained standing at attention. She smiled at him, "Have a seat, Chakotay. We need to talk."

"If you don't mind, Captain. I'll remaining standing. Although, I was hoping to get back to my quarters soon. I haven't slept in more than twenty-four hours."

"Well, then I can't interfere with your sleep, can I?" she said sarcastically. "Dismissed, Commander."

He turned and left the ready room without further comment or looking at her directly. As the door closed, he heard something hit it. He smiled as he walked away. He knew he had made her angry. But, suddenly it made him sad to think just how far they had drifted apart.

After talking to the first two offenders, Kathryn already was aware that since she and Chakotay had more or less parted ways, the crew was taking sides, not even knowing what the problem between them was.

By the time, she talked with the sixth person involved in the fight, she had at least four different stories about what the crew had assumed had happened to them. They all had also told her that the crew would be very happy and content to see the command team together as a couple.

Kathryn knew she still loved Chakotay. She had never stopped. But, she was no longer sure of his feelings for her. She had found out from Belanna that Danni was just a friend of Chakotays. Danni had a husband that she hoped was waiting for her.

Kathryn left her quarters and went to the mess hall for a late dinner. After getting a tray, she looked around for a place to sit. She saw Danni sitting alone. She hesitated at first, then decided to go sit with Danni. She wanted to find out more about this young woman that had Chakotay's attention.

Walking up to Danni, she said, "May I sit here, Lt?"

Danni was shocked, but was the kind of person who could regain her composure quickly, "Of course, Captain. I'd be honored."

Kathryn sat down and looked at Danni's plate. "Are you vegetarian, Lt.?"

"Somewhat. I'm not as strict about it as Chakotay," she looked up and realized what she had called him, "I mean Commander Chakotay."

"It's alright that you called him Chakotay. There was a time when I could call him that as well."

Kathryn saw an opened padd sitting next to Danni's plate. "Were you busy with something?"

Danni looked at her and grinned, "No, I'm just writing a romance story. I love them."

Kathyn looked at her in surprise, "You don't happen to be Lovelorn on the crew's site?"

"Yes, I am. But, please don't tell anyone. Chakotay, and now you, are the only ones that know."

"I won't tell anyone. Besides I think the stories are great. I always look for them."

"I write them thinking of my husband, Jay. He's back on Orlon 3. I miss him."

"Why did you join the Maquis without him?"

"We run an orphanage. We have taken in a lot of children that the Cardassians made parentless. We even have some from Chakotay's home planet, Dorvan. Jay and I both wanted to join the Maquis, but what would happen to the children? He's a doctor, they needed him the most. My plan was to stay in the Maquis two years, no more. When I joined, John Rivers wanted me in his cell. Chakotay fought him for me and took me into his. Belanna later told me that John had a thing about the women in his cell. They gave him what he wanted regardless if they wanted to or not. Chakotay was the complete opposite. He never tried to touch me. We use to talk a lot. He was shocked to hear that some of the children from his planet had survived. I have a lot of respect for Chakotay. Any woman who is with him should consider herself very lucky. He reminds me so much of Jay. Chakotay is a gentle person at heart"

"Yes, he is."

"I can spend time with Chakotay, and I know he'd never try anything inappropriate. I trust him. I only love my husband. And, Chakotay has only one person he loves. But, he doesn't think she loves him. He thinks she never really cared." Looking into Kathryn's eyes, she continued, 'But I think she did. I think she still does!"

Kathryn had tears in her eyes, "I know she still does. But, the chasm is too wide now."

"My father was a soldier. He spent a lot of time away from home. One day he had to go away again. He had elected to go in another's place. My mom was angry. They fought and he left. Soon after she found out they were expecting me. She wrote him a letter, but after sometime it was returned. He'd been killed before the letter got to him. She regretted it the rest of her life. They had parted in anger, and she could never tell him how much she still loved him. My mother grew old fast with grief. I would see her looking at his picture all the time. The day she died, she was holding my hand. She told me that she hoped she would see him in heaven, so she could finally tell him she still loved him. We never know what tomorrow will bring. I may never get the chance to kiss my husband again and lay in his arms, to tell him I love him, but you, Captain, have that chance."

Kathryn had tears coursing down her cheeks, "Thank you, Danni thank you!"

She got up and headed to deck 3. Ringing the doorbell, she watched the door slowly open. Stepping inside, she stood as they looked at each other. He wondered why she was crying. She walked into his arms. "I love you, Chakotay. I have since the beginning of the trip, and I've never stopped. Please forgive me for all the wrongs I have done."

He put his hand under her chin and brought her face up. "I love you too, Kathryn. I never ever stopped either." Bending down, he kissed her gently. He knew somehow, someway, they'd work things out.

The End


End file.
